Saturday, February 15, 2014

He looked like someone I care about.

Not exactly alike, but enough.

His heart wasn't working very well tonight, not at all.  Not enough for consciousness when I met least I hope.

He wasn't my patient.  They needed some help and I gave it.  I was the first to notice the heart rhythm change into something not compatible with life.  After the shock I jumped on for CPR.  I give excellent CPR.  No bragging, just a fact.  I take pride in that.  If you go down and I am around you will have a chance.  I was this man's heart, off and on, for two hours.  CPR is tiring.  But, when I did compressions, his heart would come back and gave us time to keep fighting, keep searching for a cause and a cure.  My new team mates commented on my 'life saving hands.'

All for naught.  We made sure he didn't die on Valentine's Day.

I hate the sounds people make when they realize their loved one is gone.  Screams, wails and choked sobs, they all suck.

But you have to shrug it off.  You have to move on.  Your other patients need warm blankets or pain meds or something.  So, you press on.  You let it go.  It's amazing, but you really do.

So forgive your nurse if they aren't always cheery.  If we seem like we don't care, it isn't because we don't want to.  Sometimes we just can't.

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